Ten Ways To Not Get Mugged

Nowaday, it is no longer save to walk in public places even i broad day light. People are getting hurt and some died defending themselves from getting mugged.

You can no longer rely on others as one many occasion, they tend to mind their own businesses.

Thus, I cobbled together the following impressive sounding yet thoroughly untested strategies, perfect for anyone who may find themselves in a potential mugging situation.

1. Run wild. This is where your wise decision to quit smoking, exercise everyday, and always wear sensible shoes really pays off. You should easily escape. Most of the time, muggers did not expect their victim to sprint wild. They might stood there disbelief over your action.

2. Walk in pair or group. If alone, be ready to call for backup. For this to work well, it helps to have a radio. And friends. For best results, make sure your friends are large, heavily armed and waiting in an van nearby.

3. Summon a ninja. As documented in numerous studies, there is nothing like a helpful ninja to even the odds and tap the proverbial keg of butt-kickery. Watch Naruto.

4. Transform into a werewolf or vampire. If you have any lycanthropic tendencies, now is the time to explore them. Try to get yourself bitten by a werewolf of vampire.

5. Commence projectile vomiting. Aim high. If done properly, this vicious cycle can continue indefinitely or until all criminal stomach contents have been expelled. Be sure to factor in your dry cleaning bill when considering this option.

6. Insult the muggers’ mothers. This probably won’t help, but will make for a great story if you survive.

7. Use Hypnosis. Wave your wallet or purse rhythmically while repeating key phrases like, “Your weapons are very relaxed” or “Your ears are getting hairy.” While under hypnosis, your muggers can be programmed to give up their lives of crime, to turn themselves in, or at the very least to stop biting their nails. It should be noted that this technique is only effective if your would-be felons have not pre-programmed themselves with anti-hypnotic hypnosis.

8. Develop multiple personalities. Make sure they all know karate.

9. Unleash the raging fury of PMS. This strategy works best for those with the foresight to be female.

10. Fling poop. This technique always works well for monkeys, and at this point you really don’t have anything to lose by trying. Be sure to move quickly though, because an experienced mugger will know what you are up to as soon as you reach into your skivvies.