.... TM Block Google Access

Due to kecermerlangan, kegemilangan dan keterbilangan result on recently colorful and powderful election result, our goverment suka-suka hati start blamming our multi media supercorridor internet free of speech as main culprit to their "BIG WIN".

Ironman-ically the same multimedia supercorridor our goverment spend billions in and hoo haa over the year sudah backfire them.

Bloggers these days can free free hantam sama Pak Lah and his crews, hiding behind INTERNET WITH NO BOUNDRY and FREEDOOM OF SPEACH tickets, turn out no more freedom for some blogger and the only boundry soon in is within stinky police lokap, behind bar .... sekali kena skuad in nude... in Youtube.

So our MSC govmen decided to block access to No 1, search engine, so that people cannot search for some sayap kiri punya blogs.

FEAR NOT!!

There's a new more powderful search engine than Google, and it really work.

Check out new Search Engine

"Hire Me Please !" Samy Vellu

To Whom It May Concern:

The purpose of this letter is to recommend Samy Vellu for any suitable position available.

Mr Vellu possesses excellent planning and administrative skills necessary to administer any new or defective project, while gaining the acceptance of other cronies. The work he produces is almost on-time and not so accurate but repairable. This has made Mr Vellu a velluable part of our management team. During his 30 years glory period as MIC leader, he have acquired a larger percentage of Indians support. I believe his good tongue twisting skills and pleasant personality have helped our country grow.

During the last forty eight years Mr Vellu has worked her way from ordinary MIC member to top post 20 years later. This is due primarily to his ability to quickly pointing finger at others and denying all faults, Mr Vellu is unique individual with unique hairstyle, who can accept responsibility to approve a project with little oversight or direction. I would highly recommend him to any company seeking these qualities in an individual.

Sincerely,

Datuk Seri Abdullah bin Haji Ahmad Badawi

Still Prime Minister

Attached : Resume.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

LUCKY BUSTARD ON HOTSPOT

WHO SAYS they give you the WIDEST COVERAGE? ...... from down under

WHO SAYS they give you the BEST RATES? ....... 18 SX Rated

Source : The Dude "Hornyman" of Kommies

Evil Atheist Conspiracy #1

There was a young atheist graduated from Cambridge University met a religious scholar….

Atheist : Who are you? So clever leh..... you think you can answer my Questions eh?

Scholar : I am one of God slaves and God Willing, I will be able to answer your Questions.

Atheist : Sure or not? Very difficult one, a lot of Professors also cannot answer my questions.

Scholar : I will try my best, with the help of God.

Atheist : Listen aaaa , I have 3 Questions !! (Arrogantly)




Atheist : Muahaaahaaahaaa ! so clever lu answer my questions now...



Suddenly ...............................



Scholar : Piaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!

Atheist : WTF ! Why suddenly you angry with me?

Scholar : I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your questions.

Atheist : I really don’t understand. Joking or what? Not funny leh....

Scholar : How do you feel after I slapped you?

Atheist : Of course, I felt pain you idiot. Wanna some?

Scholar : So do you believe that pain exists?

Atheist : Yes.

Scholar : Show me the shape of the pain!

Atheist : eeerrrr..................................I cannot.

Scholar : That is my first answer. All of us feel God’s existence without being able to see His shape…Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?

Atheist : No.

Scholar : Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me today?

Atheist : No.

Scholar : That is "fate" my second answer…my hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?

Atheist : Flesh loh.

Scholar : How about your face, what is it created from?

Atheist : Flesh.

Scholar : How do you feel after I slapped you?

Atheist : Pain-freaking-full

Scholar : That’s it. This is my third answer, even though Devil and also the hell were created from the fire, if God wants, the hell will become a very painful place for Devil.

How I Divorce My Wife

Me and my wife were driving down the highway doing 55 mph. I was behind the wheel.

My wife looks at me and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

I say nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again I stay quiet and just speeds up as my anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again I speeds up some more, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

I just keeps driving faster, and faster, by then I was up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."

I slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling maintaining the speed, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

I finally replied, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

I replied ......

..... just before we hit the wall at 100 mph.....

Pro-Moron Gathering in Penang

PRO-MORON UNITED

Hundred of Pro-Morons gathered along the coastal area of Gurney Drive in Penang on Wednesday night to look out for free tsunamis, so that they can sell it to Sushi King.

Imagine what would happen to Penang if these moron end up swiped away and wash out to another remote unknown Island in Papua New Guinea by a huge 30 metres Tsunami. I bet Penang will be much better place to live on.



SO what does it take for one to qualify as a Pro-Moron?

As above, you are a Penang Pro-Moron members when you decided gather at the area where previous year Tsunami hit worst and killed 52 lives, so that you can be part of this year statistic.



You are Kuala Lumpur Pro-Moron members when you decided drive to work during monsoon season despite the same thing happen year after year.



You are Kepong Pro-Moron members when day after day you all been fucked up by all kind of idiotic reason spit out with sireh flavour from Sami-Value.

Malaysian Pro-Moron Advisor

Only Kepong Pro-Morons drive on old jam packed road when a nice 3 lanes elevated highway available.



Pro-Moron Headquarters. Place where all Pro-Moron elected leaders start monkeying around calling each other with stupid names. Things they do and say during the meeting will be use as a measuring guide as per how much is their moronic level.

So are you a Pro-Moron ?

By reading my blog, I, bestow upon you many honors, and a great life as Pro-Moron Bloggee.

You may kiss my now.

ROTFLOL

FUNNY STUDENT EXAM ANSWERS

VIBRATRON - TRANSFORM AND DIG IN

GREAT ADVICE COLUMN ANSWER

YIPPIE-KAI-YE MOFO .... DIEHARD 5.0 BETA

MacD Breakfast at 4?

R-RATED PHOTO AHEAD

Yees.... that was my first impression when I first heard about it.

Why would anyone sacrifice the best hours of sleeping for a lousy expensive breakfast and you had to drive out.

Any delivery? I don't know, but if they are, knowing MacD standard (Uptown Damansara Branch) it take an hour to reach you even you were on next door office, by then your breakfast I just another hard and cold .......

But then why? Why would Ronald Macdonald invest in man hour and advertising cost for a lousy business strategy? At 4am I would rather be at midnite mamak stall in Bangsar having nice hot Lick-Mi-Co-Tea and Roti Canai Pisang.

It was a big mystery until somebody accidentally captured the following photo behind one of MacDonald branch offering 4am breakfast.

Well..... hope it did solved some missing person cases... photographer name remain anonymously for protection.

Men Vs Woman

Shortest Fairytale Ever

Once upon a time a bloke asked a girl "will you marry me?"

She said "No"

And the bloke lived happily ever after. :)

Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish, too, but he leaned over excessively,
fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

Bird Watching

Take a look at the two birds below. Study them closely and watch their habits...

See if you can spot which of the two is the female. It can be done. Even by one with no skills whatsoever in bird watching.

Coma Support

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma forseveral months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

The Man Who Started EMAIL

Everybody talks about Email

Everybody receives email

Everybody sends email

Everybody changes email

But to tell you the truth, Nobody ever met email.

Now with complete exclusivity

I present to you.... Email !

The Million Dollar Question is,

is he related to Betty Suarez?

Real Reported Airline Announcement by Air Crew

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

a.. From a Southwest Airlines employee .... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

b.. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

c.. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

d.. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

e.. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

f.. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

g.. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

h.. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

i.. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

j.. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

k.. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

l.. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

m.. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

n.. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

o.. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

p.. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

Some Interesting Butt Pictures

PRESENTING SOME FAMOUS BUTT YOU ARE EAGER TO FIND OUT


1) Nicky Butt - Newcastle United Footballer. Nice family name.

2 ) Cigarette Butt - It protect from burning your lips and slightly enhance your life, cigarette ass?

3) Butterweed - Packera Glabella, too pretty to joke about...

4) Button Fly - Quick to open, damn slow to close. Why does they call it fly when it doesn't really fly...

5) Butter - I have no idea why they call it 'butt'er, probably to physical composition of butter has some similarity to what cam out from 'butt'.

6) Monarch Butterfly - At least this one did fly.

7) Butthead - Uh uh .... they said 'butt'...

Disclaimer : No butt were screwed or harmed while producing this article.

Road Bully !! Frucking Trucker....

Today was the worst day of my life. I was late for work, and this one MOFO truck was hogging on this freaking narrow road. When I manage to take over, out of frustration I gentle horned him a bit. I thought it was it until I look at my rear view mirror. This idiot was trailing on my bumper at 100 km/h....

I step on the gas pedal, and smile - my car just farted right on the truckers nose... idiot.

I was damn wrong - there he was driving like a madman.... following close to my car. Oh my God !! have I just pissed off a road bully? All he need is a little bump on my car - enuff to send me six feet under.

There's no way a truck can over take me, so long as I keep on pressing on my gas and apply some drifting skills I learn from Initial D movie. I did ....but then everything turn black.... then saw red and blue light flashing .... I heard a weird sound .... I woke up and there I was laying on hospital bed. My wife stood beside me, she was unharmed but still in shock.

She claim she saw everything - the truck - the red truck was not just ordinary truck, she manage to take picture of the red truck .... second before it transform into a robot. I guess the incident must have whacked her head somehow.... truck transforming into robot? only idiots would believe that...

New Technology : Offline Internet

We always wonder, to what extend can internet grows?

There was dial-up, then broadband speed up everything, now broadband also never fast enuf.

Doesn't matter how fast you go, once offline - your done.

Ever wonder what it would be like if we had all the conveniences of the Internet in the "real" world? I do. A lot, actually. Whether I'm sitting at a stop light, looking where I left my keys or just waiting in line at the grocery store, if we had the power of the Internet available to us I think our lives would be so much simpler. Forget about getting online, imagine if offline internet available in real life.

Free browsing capabilities. No longer spend thousand of dollar and hours of traveling time, just think of a place and browse it accordingly, u like it, the make a booking. Now imagine what u can do with Firefox tab browsing capability.

Shoppe offline without being there. Browse, meet sales person, try on shoes, then conclude sales. Have them delivered to you door step - while having breakfast.

Can't find your car keys? Misplaced your wallet? Don't worry, now Google search new algorithm extended to offline world. Google can!! Install Google search module to your brain.

Tired of old car? old house? wife nagging? don't worry, UPGRADE them !!

You bought a movie, watch em, and dunno what else to do? not enuff money to buy other movie? SHARE THEM ! with anyone... not just friends and family, join PEER TO PEER network. Trading stuff has never been easier.

You have lots of enemy? get SPYWARE or fixed in FIREWALL to your properties. It shall protect you from any harm done.

And don't forget to buy latest Anti Virus pills, prevent you and your family from getting sick.

Too much advertisement on TV, get Adblock protection on your tv.

Avoid from receiving junk mail in your post box or telemarketing calls, by installing SPAM Blocker to your mailbox and phone.

Last but not least, when ever got problem, push Bugs Report button.

Ten Ways To Not Get Mugged

Nowaday, it is no longer save to walk in public places even i broad day light. People are getting hurt and some died defending themselves from getting mugged.

You can no longer rely on others as one many occasion, they tend to mind their own businesses.

Thus, I cobbled together the following impressive sounding yet thoroughly untested strategies, perfect for anyone who may find themselves in a potential mugging situation.

1. Run wild. This is where your wise decision to quit smoking, exercise everyday, and always wear sensible shoes really pays off. You should easily escape. Most of the time, muggers did not expect their victim to sprint wild. They might stood there disbelief over your action.

2. Walk in pair or group. If alone, be ready to call for backup. For this to work well, it helps to have a radio. And friends. For best results, make sure your friends are large, heavily armed and waiting in an van nearby.

3. Summon a ninja. As documented in numerous studies, there is nothing like a helpful ninja to even the odds and tap the proverbial keg of butt-kickery. Watch Naruto.

4. Transform into a werewolf or vampire. If you have any lycanthropic tendencies, now is the time to explore them. Try to get yourself bitten by a werewolf of vampire.

5. Commence projectile vomiting. Aim high. If done properly, this vicious cycle can continue indefinitely or until all criminal stomach contents have been expelled. Be sure to factor in your dry cleaning bill when considering this option.

6. Insult the muggers’ mothers. This probably won’t help, but will make for a great story if you survive.

7. Use Hypnosis. Wave your wallet or purse rhythmically while repeating key phrases like, “Your weapons are very relaxed” or “Your ears are getting hairy.” While under hypnosis, your muggers can be programmed to give up their lives of crime, to turn themselves in, or at the very least to stop biting their nails. It should be noted that this technique is only effective if your would-be felons have not pre-programmed themselves with anti-hypnotic hypnosis.

8. Develop multiple personalities. Make sure they all know karate.

9. Unleash the raging fury of PMS. This strategy works best for those with the foresight to be female.

10. Fling poop. This technique always works well for monkeys, and at this point you really don’t have anything to lose by trying. Be sure to move quickly though, because an experienced mugger will know what you are up to as soon as you reach into your skivvies.

Funny Air Traffic Controller Talk, Word For Word

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Novice female military controller to US bomber leaving radar coverage, forgetting the correct terminology... "You are entering my dark area"
USB: "WHOOPEE!"


Tower Controller: "BA356, proceed to stand 69"
BA: "Yes, Sir, Nose in or Nose out?"


"Mumbai, what number am I in the landing sequence?"
"By the time you land, sir, you will be number one."

And (another) hoary old chestnut: QANTAS pilot to copilot landing at Sydney, forgetting the cabin intercom was live:

"What I need now is a cold beer and a hot shiela"
Stewardess hurries forward lest worse befall.
Chorus of passengers "Hey, you forgot the beer!"

Pilot: "DAMN! That was close..."
IAD Tower: "Delta 560, what seems to be the problem?"
Pilot (catching his breath), "Near miss- was he ever close!"
IAD Tower: "Delta 560, how close was it?"
Pilot: "Well, I can tell you one thing, it was a white boy flying it."

One of the controllers came on and reported something happened to cause a further delay and that those planes in a holding pattern would need to stay there. Almost immediately, one of the pilots responded with, "Bullshit!" The controller then said something to the effect of, "Sir, the use of profane language is prohibited on this channel by FAA and FCC regulations. Please identify yourself." After a moment, one of the pilots reported, "This is flight 123 and we are negative on the bullshit." A moment after that, another flight reported in, "This is flight 456 and we are also negative on the bullshit." One by one, each and every one of the flights reported in as being "negative on the bullshit."

A huge C-5 cargo plane was sitting near where a small plane was waiting to take off. The private pilot got a little nervous because the military plane was closer than normal, and asked the tower to find out the intentions of the C-5. Before the tower could reply, a voice came over the radio as the C-5's nose cargo doors opened, saying, "I'm going to eat you."

United cargo jet (with female pilot): "This is my secondary radio. Is my transmission still fuzzy? Oakland ARTCC controller: "I don't know. I've never seen it." (Earned him two weeks on the beach) (Ack 'a former ATC')

After being informed by a pilot cleared to land in Fayetteville that he now had two light aircraft cleared to land on opposite ends of the same runway, the controller paused and transmitted "Y'all be careful now."

One very stormy morning in BOS, many planes were lined up on taxiways waiting for departure. A female pilot made a successful landing on a crossing runway after visibly wrestling her Flying Tiger stretched DC-8 through turbulence and blustery snow squalls, fighting it right down to the runway. An anonymous voice: "But can you park it?"

Stupid things actually said in court, word for word.

Stupid things actually said in court, word for word.

No doubt some people are plain dumb.....

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteen.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

A: After the accident?

Q: Before the accident.

A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

Lawyers trying to look smart, occasionally end up with dumb questions.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Did he kill you?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

--------------------------------------------------

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

A: I went to Europe, Sir.

Q: And you took your new wife?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?

A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

The Unconvenience Truth about Weather

Todays forecast, dark cloud, thunder storm, lighting, and expect heavy rain. Tomorrow, day after and day after and after, same old story. Whats up up there !!

We learned so much about water and condensation how the rain come about, what make thunder and lightning and yet we can't control it. So much we have learn, yet still much more to be learned.

Millions dollar were spend studying the sky, but have any of the geniuses ever thought that these weird weather possibly got to do with alien intervention? We have seen numerous proves that alien can manipulate our weather but yet no one ever thought of asking about it.

What I am about to reveal is very scary, stuff we have seen before but somehow we keep on "forgetting" about it. I don't blame you, today you can buy MIB Neuralizer for USD29.95 online. I was lucky to get my hand on the last set of Deneuralizer to deneuralized myself.

Try hard to remembers....

11 years ago, July 1996, big ass dark cloud covering all major cities. Kuala Lumpur people, rushing back home, trying to avoid heavy rain that normally followed after dark cloud. Cars were rush out from basement parking. None were fitted with submarine accessories yet.

While people expect bad news, yet it gotten horrible. Dark cloud turn firely red, it turn out to be big alien mothership spawning hundreds of little junior spaceship pouring down laser beam like heavy rain. None of Malaysia super Sukhoi were shoot down, coz they never leave runway. Apparently our pilots are still going for L classes. We were using our Nuri heli to relocate all VIPs, turn out MIA in Genting.

Fortunately, here come Amedika to the rescue. Some black ass pilot decided to play playstation sim with an alien spaceship. With the help of some genius dude, who manage to figure out how the spaceship fly, after tens of super scientists failed to do so for decades.

Both of them flew to gramma ship and manage to hook up to alien server via seriel port that fit our standard port, and upload DOS attack to an unknown alien computer system language. God bless Amedika.


Then 2 years ago, 2005, weather turn haywire. Super mega storm with super lightning shooting earth like an angry God. Tornadoes everywhere.

Apparently the lighting were use to kick start alien generator kept for hundred of years below earth surface, for future invasion. Alien tripod rose up on surface and start shooting at people. Many run away and died. But some people run toward the alien tripod miss took it as Apple latest Ipod on sales. They died to.

Since 1996 invasion, earthling have yet ready to new invasion. Amadika still in bad shape after 1996 alien attack, they were still shock from 9/11 attack. Kapitan Amadika can't do much with this tripod. For once Amadika hopeless in saving the world.

Yet, our worst enemy turn out to be our rescuer this time around. Bird Flu known as avian influenza, previously killed hundred people and million of chicken and birds. This time, the same virus released as bird poo gave alien instant death. Die alien die!!!

Se we have get rid of 2 alien nation. Is that the end of alien invasion. Did these relay strong signal to outside world that don't ever screw up with us?

No... recent thunderstorm and unstable weather lead to further investigation from the Intelligent.

From inside informers, we found out some robot alien is coming all out on us. Some alien has been living among us in disguise. Possible date of invasion is 28 June 2007. Yes 3 days more and by then you'll found out if your toaster is actually a toaster of some freaking robot relaying info to its alien boss. I've got rid of all electrical items in my house. I'm not taking any chances. None will survive, this notebook will be hacked into 4 pieces right after I publish this blog.

Some of the robot are on our side. Rumours are saying that these good alien robot are teaching our Kancil to be part of their fighter. Also known code name KANCILTRON. Apparently Gen2 was first selected but due to power window problem, they don't transform smooth enuff.

Mean time, be nice to your electronic item. Who know they might keep you alive.

Multi Racial Ghost

Today I'm having TGIF kinda of blur blur.... While cracking my head thinking of what to blog today, I went blog surfing to some of my favourite bloggers. Everyone talking about Altantuya case. Some are still talking about Lina Joy not so joy and political issue from "bocor" here and there and recent news on food poisoning in school.

No 1 blog material always about bumi and non bumi discrimations. Malay hentam'ing Chinese for being ungrateful and Chinese sepak'ing Malays for being over pampered by government. And Indian - suck in the middle slowly being push out back to the estate.

Today and as usual, no racial hamtam'ing on my blog. Many people did not aware that we live in multi racial community but have any of us thought of multi racial ghost?

What happen to our soul after death? Chinese soul remain chinese, malay remain malay or is there something else non of us thought about since we are "not there yet"?

Our imagination runs wild, thus we came out with our own interpretation of what after life is all about....

MALAY GHOST : Two most famous ghost in Malay society are Pontianak (left) and Pocong (right). Pontianak is portrayed as woman in white dress with long hair and fugly face. Fancy a pretty wife like Erra Fazira? find yourself a Pontianak and stick a long nail behind her nail. She'll be yours.....

Pocong in another hand give no shit to nail. Since leg got tied up, he had to jump around to move, sometimes he got tired, this fella rolls on the ground. I bet he use lots of Breeze to clean his cloth. Kids used to love to hug those long sausage like pillow, until some bloody director decided to put Pocong on TV. I threw a way my sausage pillow for good.

Other traditional malay ghosts includes Toyol (money stealing SOB), Orang Minyak (Serial Rapist), Penanggal (bodyless ghost), Pelesit (use to posses others) and Hantu Raya (special escort for gamblers in Genting). Modern ghost includes, Hantu Susu and Hantu Tetek (breast), modern people are perverter.

CHINESE GHOST : Unlike Malay, Chinese does not have so much variaty in ghost. Traditional chinese ghost appear in their traditional wedding costume and also in traditonal General costume from Dynasty???? period. Like Pocong, they hope around a lot. Chinese ghost vision are limited, their head always look straight to if you duck below their waist, they can't see you. Also they use their sense of smell. They smell your breath... so if you stop breathing and duck, your are save.

These ghost can also be stop with a piece of yellow paper with some words by sticking on them, mostly on their forehead. For that reason these ghost always extend their hand forward so that they can choke you to death before you get to stick the magic paper on their head.

Recent influence from Korea and Japan horror movie give rise to newer generation of ghost. Powdered face figure with long hair and dress in white started to freak people out. Some has fugly face, and honestly, I think it's a ripped off from Pontianak image. Crazy director started to come out with more nonsense ghost and the weirdest of all is "wigs". Fcuk shit, wigs (rambut palsu la) is killing people !!!! I thought I see the worst when tomatoes start to kill people.


HINDU GHOST : I have trouble searching for image and info on Hindu ghost. I say what the heck, don't they have ghost? I hardly see hindu ghost movie either. Closest to thing called paranormal in hindu movie I've seen is human spirit turn into snake.

Then I notice, Malay and Chinese ghost character and appearance resemblance to the last suit they wear when we put them to rest. And hindu mostly cremated their love one after they died. So, no physical body, no ghost?

Ghost play important role in societies, they were the tool use to scared of children from doing nasty thing, like playing till night time, also help preventing couples making out in dark area.... etc. So for Hindu, since no ghost they had to create ghost. Thus, the legend of
Gopal Haldar begins......

PAKURTALA, India (AFP) - Measuring a mere 1.21 meters (four feet) and weighing a slight 24 kilograms (52 pound), Haldar -- now near to retirement age -- says he has been malnourished all his life.

"My mother was very weak. So I am. I am unable to work in the field," Halder said in an interview in the Sunderbans village of Pakurtala, about 90 kilometres (56 miles) south of the eastern Indian city of Kolkata in the Ganges River delta.

"I have hardly had the money to buy good food or visit a doctor. I have been suffering from malnutrition since my childhood.

Because of his poor health and stick-like physique, he added, neighbours had said he was "born to play a ghost".

He took to the idea and his reputation began to spread through the myriad islands that make up the Sunderbans.

"Wherever I go children call me 'Uncle Ghost' and peep at me through windows," a smiling Haldar said. "Women and children are even scared of going out at night in case they meet me."

His friend Sunil Chakraborty helps him perform on candle-lit stages in Sunderban villages yet to be reached by electricity and where people prefer to confine themselves in their homes after sundown.

He says it takes him only 10 to 15 minutes to do his makeup and transform his emaciated self into a ghost-like creature -- mainly by painting his sunken face, protruding ribs and skeletal limbs with soot.

"I see it as acting," said Haldar, adding that while he roams from village to village scaring the daylights out of people, his wife and son work in the fields.

"I have no regrets. Sometimes I enjoy it," he said of his spooky profession.

He mainly does his shows during the festive seasons and earns 40 to 50 rupees (about a dollar) a time, said his wife Malati, adding resignedly, "But he is addicted to smoking hemp and spends all his money on this habit."

Lighting up a hemp cigarette in front of his wife, Haldar acknowledged his love of the herb.

"(But) when I indulge myself in smoking hemp and playing chess, I wonder if I am a real ghost or a human being," he said philosophically.

A doctor at a local government-run hospital said Haldar had likely suffered acute malnutrition as a child which had resulted in hormonal imbalances.

Note of caution : The above info are based on what I have on my mind. Don't get offended if any of the info is different from facts or your opinions. Feel free to comment and be a nice ghost.

Sssyyyyyhhhh Sissy Spiderman !!

No I wasn't talking about the famous 'gay' dancing spiderman. The above is too gay`ish too deny, I would say its the total opposite of x`treme ma`cho.ism, of what this blog all about.

I watch Spiderman 3, I enjoy watching it, in general this is one hell of a good movie. Watching it for second time from my pc, you know how, make me notice how sissy Peter Parker is..... or shall I say....... Spiderman. By the way... did u guys know Peter Parker is Spiderman?

I’m just going to list off some sissy shit plot.....

• Holy crying Batman. I counted 7 times that Peter Parker cried. Actually 6, but the 2nd last one was so bad I counted it twice.
• Peter Parker should not sing and dance. ’nuff said.
• Spider-Man doesn’t use his Spidey sense at all. Open season on sneaking up behind him!
• There was a heck of a lot of computer graphics. It’s not really that they were bad, just so many of them.
• Mary Jane really needs a punch in the face. She gives girlfriends a bad name.
  
• The pacing on this movie was so bad. I like story, I don’t mind some “chick flick” type stuff… but there was so long between action moments that this movie really felt like a drag for 2h30m. I liked the final fight.
  
• Mary Jane really needs a punch in the face… oh I said that already. Punch her again.
• Superheroes should only cry when kicked in the balls.