Thursday, September 6, 2007

EVOLUTIONS OF MALACCA ... PART 1


EVOLUTIONS OF MALACCA





PARAMESWARA A.K.A SULTAN ISKANDAR SHAH
1400 - 1424



Parameswara, Prince of Palembang, while playing "Fugitive" with Majapahit government, decided to play hide and seek in deep jungle. While resting under Melaka tree, he saw a mouse deer whack the hell of his sissy dogs.


Impressed, (actually he was damn tired to run anyway) he decided to settle down and claim ownership over land title. Wanted to name the place "Kancil" but decided to change it to Malacca the next morning after having a bad dream being ramp over by black shiny little monster with smokey ass that goes broooom broooom with bright neon blue lite.

He make friends with some big taiko and ah long from mainland china, do some buy and sell over lelong.com and pay some "insurance protection" premium to some chinese emperor. In return, the emperor send one of this best kung fu master help protecting Malacca for Siamese transvestite. Thus Admiral Cheng Ho arrived Malacca in 1409 and become buddy buddy with Parameswara.

Lun Cheng Ho
a nobody ... happened to appear in Google Image while searching for Cheng Ho



Yaaa.... the real Admiral Cheng Ho, taken from local police sketch, unofficial source claim Sammo Hung was related to Cheng Ho.

Year 1414, Parameswara ended his bachelor life married to a princess from Acheh, converted to Islam and change to a cooler name, Sultan Iskandar Shah.

Love last forever, but Sultan Iskandar Shah died a decade later in 1424, leaving his legacy to his heirs.




PARAMESWARA LEGACY, KESULTANAN MELAYU
1424 - 1510


For the next 84 years (1423 - 1510) Malacca was rules by Malay Sultan, started with Sultan Muhammad Shah - direct descendant of Parameswara.

For some they were lucky enough to take over the hot sit simply because family business but some Sultan went extra mile by eliminating its opponent by killing one another.

Some major happening events took place during this era....

1446 - Sultan Muzaffar Shah declares Islam as official state religion.

1447 - Siamese attacked

but we win ..... muahahahaaaahahahaaa! suckerssss... !


1458 - Admiral Cheng Ho after losing his good buddy buddy Parameswara, was later ignored by later Sultan..... to claim back his pride and glory, he play cupid by matching Sultan Mansur Shah with pretty leng lui, Princess Hang Li Po.


1509 - Diego Lopez de Sequiera with a whole armada from Portugal drop by Malacca to buy some curry and tongkat ali coffee orang kampung.

With such a big armada passed by, our defend system automatically shifted to Defcon 3 and it triggers panic button.

Mamaks abandon their roti canai, Pak Mat and geng in sarong quickly run for their Keris and Ah Bengs and Ah Longs starts making calls to their underground clans and sms'ing their Shaolin alliances high on Mount Ledang temples.

And again..... we kick asses.... thought it was all misunderstanding coz that time we don't talk talk English yet.

1510 - Almost end of malay sultan era.


WATCH OUT FOR PART 2

1 opinion, wanna say something?:

Kavilan said...

dude... wicked sense of humour!!!